girls.

LMAO can I just talk about how hard it is to actually figure out if a girl is straight or not????? Yeah not really the content you signed up for when following this blog, I’m sure but as a queer non-binary blogger, you’ll have to deal with it (or skip and come back later…). Anyway I am so lost. Here’s some back story to why I am having such a hard time:

I thought for a very long time that I was straight or that because I was Christian, I couldn’t be interested in girls. How silly right? Except that’s what we were taught in school and I wasn’t one to question teachers. So of course I thought all the thoughts about girls I had were weird and wrong. Up until grade 9, I pretended to have crushes on boys because that was the normal thing to do. LOL that was definitely a mistake. Maybe having known that it was okay would have saved years of mental torment.

So eventually I realized that I liked girls and that it was acceptable and kind of came out at bisexual. And I dated a boy in grade 9 but also went out with a girl for a couple dates. GREAT. RIGHT? LOL WRONG. By grade 10, I was even more confused and the girl had decided she wasn’t into girls really that way so I was of course crushed. Then brought 2 years of really not knowing what was okay. I constantly struggled with how it wasn’t okay to like girls.

And then I met this girl and she was great at first and we talked about dating/hooked up a few times. But then she decided that she was going to date a boy and used it to manipulate me because she knew that I liked her. So I went back to boys too and dated this really shitty boy who was only into hookups while I didn’t even want to go near his manly parts….(lol)…

So I guess you could say that I have a pretty terrible track record when it comes to girls but then again, when it comes to boys it’s pretty much the same. Both have been shitty experiences in multiple instances. SO I guess the problem is that I can’t tell whether a girl is actually into me or just wants to be my friend but I also don’t want to fuck things up with anyone. Boys are just a NO. I can’t do that to myself anymore but staying true to my preferences and self means figuring shit out for myself and I can’t seem to do that???

I’ve fallen into the trap of Tinder and I am using it to meet girls but I have also seemed to started liking a friend who I know needs to be ‘off-limits’ due to the fact that we are good friends?? And I need that?? So instead I message girls and we talk but I still can’t tell if they would want to hook up or date cause they won’t be straight forward with me and I hate fucking asking and then it getting awkward. UGH

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