music.

One of the first things I did when I realized that maybe in order to start my journey with God was to find music to connect with. Music makes up a large part of my life and I am very thankful to be blessed with ears that can hear. It’s helped me through the highs and lows of my life and I am forever grateful at the hands of the Lord.

So I went on a mission to create a playlist of music to which I may connect with to find Him. Including artists like Dan + Shay, Casting Crowns, and Chris Tomlin. I wanted to share it here, maybe someone will stumble across this and find something to connect with as well.


Other playlists I made:

  1. January 2017
  2. February 2017
  3. March 2017
  4. Letting go // Getting Out
  5. c h a n g e
  6. grxw

intentions.

I just received an email from my school regarding courses for next Fall. I laughed. I don’t think I’ll be needing those. My school calls them “Course Intentions”, like what we intend to take in the coming semester if we don’t flunk out or fail something. I think it’s hilarious right now. My intentions are forever changing. Daily.

I’m making a change next year, therefore I do not need to choose my courses. If it was up to me, I would drop out of university and take some time to focus on myself. I would enter a treatment facility and get a job and take my mental health more seriously. Unfortunately, I don’t have the power to do that right now. I’m a second year Child and Youth Care student (not the same as ECE – I swear). I am a second year student who’s giving up all that hard work to attend art school. Imagine my parents (who are both lawyers) opinion on this ??!

Art school. Somewhere to learn to express myself while also creating a business out of it. This decision has to do with my end goal. My life plan of starting my own music venue that doubles as an outreach centre for youth. Sounds so far away but with everyday that I learn something about the music industry or how to work with youth, I am getting a step closer to that goal.

I’m still waiting to hear back from the University I applied to. It seems annoying and silly because I’ve already been accepted to my top choice. A digital communications program at the college just an hour away. But my parents (again, lawyers – ugh) want their daughter to attend a University and receive a degree. Fun Fact: My college program is four years in which I’ll receive a degree at the end. So maybe it’s not about where you get your education. Or where you work. Or who hires you. Maybe it’s about more than that. Maybe it’s about being happy on your path through life.

Life is this journey. And I think we all just pretend that we know what’s really going on. But the truth is? Life is different for everyone. It’s constantly changing and morphing into something else. There’s no world where we don’t face difference and pain and truth. This is the universe that we were given. It’s all that we have. So why fight what the universe has planned for us? I chose art school over community services. I want to produce art whether it be on a screen or a stage. I want to make people happy. I want to find those who don’t like they fit and make sure that they know there’s a place here for them.

It took me years to realize that I could do something with the art I made. I wanted a way to connect my love for live music and my passion for photography. But I didn’t know how to get involved. No one teaches you that. It’s all about the lock and key of the universe. In a rapidly moving industry, it’s about the people you know, and I didn’t know anyone. That’s a different that I’ll tell eventually.

Intentions. We all have them. We all want to do something with them. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer than we want it to. Setbacks happen. It’s okay. We move on. Forward. Leave the past where it belongs, behind us. I’m still facing setbacks. It’s true. And I’m not quite sure when they’re going to stop. But I know that I can’t stop fighting them. I’m going to break through and when I do, I’m going to know what my intentions were. 

energy or exhaustion.

I’m seeming to lose my love for my favourite place to be. Is it the weather? mood? mental health? I really can’t tell you. I don’t have the answers I need right now. My body is exhausted. My mind is running on fuel that has be reused too many times to count. I feel like I am beginning to fade away. Disappearing with every breathe I take. What is happening?

Concerts. Venues. Bands. Music. Pulsing through my veins. Voices longing to be heard. No space. Heat. Bodies. My little piece of the universe. I thought.

I’m not sure what’s happening. I can’t enjoy concerts the way I used to. Maybe it’s the reoccurring actions or the fact that it feels like people only appreciate me when I drag myself out at night with a camera in my hands, ready to capture the moment. But have I been spending more time capturing moments than living life? Is that the current energy-consuming question? I guess so.